I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
