We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
