Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you didnt know i had herpes?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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