wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
My ATM looks so different sober.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
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