i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
