those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
He did a backflip because drugs
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
