A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i came on her dog
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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