I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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