You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Randomize
