Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
