I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
