I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
