Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
