I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
