Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
