i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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