"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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