I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
