He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I lost the right to judge tonight
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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