I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
