for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I'm really busy with my period
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