apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
