my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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