I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
