State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Randomize
