I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
