Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
