Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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