i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
