They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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