i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
