I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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