I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
