I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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