working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
