You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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