Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
