Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
