Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
