You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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