I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
