Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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