my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
