so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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