I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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