after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
