the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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