I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
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