When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
