??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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