people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
