I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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