Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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