i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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