Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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