You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
wrigley field is MILF paradise
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
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