Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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