new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
