I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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