She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
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