hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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