we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
