It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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