'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
