i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
