I love black thongs
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize