we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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