3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
