The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
