My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
