Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
