Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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