Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
