if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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