how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
