there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Send help, water and tortillas.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
