Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
