I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
