so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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