let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
