I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
