Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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