Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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