you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
