So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
mondays should just be called national damage control day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Randomize
