JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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