a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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