When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
