I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
